Patience over Pleather: Why You Can Stop Trying so Hard


“If you want a relationship you have to go out there and make it happen.” This mentality is so pervasive in our culture that I believe really intelligent people will read this blog post and completely disagree with every word I have to say. I lived years of my life being told this, believing this, and living it out. I lived years of my life fighting really hard for relationships that I was never suppose to be in. In a desperate rat race for the right relationship with the right person. Assuming that if I just keep trying hard, the right person would come along.

In the last two years of being single the amount of times I’ve heard “just put yourself out there,” “you should try online dating,” “don’t you WANT to be in a relationship? You’re going to have to do AB and C if you do…” “try a little harder,” is astounding. Everyone has a bunch of opinions on everyone else’s dating life. It’s cute…(no it’s not, it’s dumb, mind yo bizness).

But you guys, I think all of that is a lie. I think this idea that we have to work so hard for what we want is just a lie. I don’t believe it’s all up to us, but I think the enemy would LOVE for us to believe that it is. He would love for us to believe that it’s all in our hands. I don’t believe we have to try SO hard. I don’t believe it’s all just about putting ourselves out there more.

I believe God wants to orchestrate something really special in our lives when it comes to marriage and relationships. I believe He wants to give us a real gift, and even before that – I believe he wants us to TRULY ease in to the gifts he has for us in singleness. I believe He wants to show off in this area of our lives. But so often we don’t ever allow him the opportunity because we’ve just plowed right past him and we’re making it happen for ourselves. I believe the Lord gave me this analogy the other day when I was trying to explain this to a friend.

I remember a few Christmas’ ago I asked for tall black riding boots. Leave it to me to spiritualize fashion. ANYWAY, I really wanted black boots. I was SO close to going out and buying my own black boots for $30 at Target because I just wanted what I wanted when I wanted it. Lol, classic.

I’m not sure why I ended up waiting, but I remember being nervous that my mom would screw it up…like get me ugly boots. Imagine! Anyway, Christmas morning came and my mom had a stack of 7 boxes wrapped and ready for me, all of them super nice, expensive, black boots. I got to choose whichever pair I wanted. And they were all better than anything I could’ve ever gone out and gotten for myself.  It was the best gift ever. It was more creative, more elaborate, more lavish, just more than what I ever could’ve imagined or done for myself. And my mom knew me well enough to know that I love choice. She knew me well enough to know which brands were my favorite. She knew me well enough to know how loved I would feel by this gift. She knew me better than I knew myself in this moment.

But you guys, how many of us are just skipping Christmas morning and buying our own dang boots for $30 at Target? How many of us are just settling for “eh, these black boots will do.” Little do we know the boots that could’ve been waiting for us. How many of us don’t trust God to pick out our boots for us? How many of us don’t actually believe that He knows us better than we know us?

Now, my parents are great gift givers…like really fantastic, but imagine how much better God is.

I believe we can certainly go out there and get what we want. I believe we can make things happen and be pleased with what we’ve made happen. I even believe God can bless what we’ve made happen, but I also believe that could mean giving up that Christmas morning kind of gift He has for us. I believe we could be steamrolling over God’s desire to creatively orchestrate something beautiful in our lives. I believe we could be settling for what WE’VE determined we need, and not waiting for what God wants to give us. I believe God wants to craft something that ONLY he could give us, so that at no point we can take any credit. I believe God wants to blow us away and make us feel known and loved beyond belief.

God knows me far better than I know myself. He knows the type of person I’ll need right now, but He also knows the type of person I’m going to need 30 years from now…and only HE can know how to give me both. But ya’ll, I believe we’re so willing, so quick to settle for the $30 boots. We’re so quick to be like, “okay, but I want what I want now, and what I want is right over there…so imma just go get it for myself.” We miss it. We miss the beauty. We miss the intricate ways that God wants to reveal Himself to us. We miss an opportunity for God to absolutely blow us away and show us how well He knows us.

Now, I’m really not trying to knock online dating or positioning yourself so you can meet new people. That’s not the point here. I believe God can use all of those things. But how hard are you trying to just get what you want when you want it? How quickly will you settle for the $30 boots when waiting seems too hard? How much room are you giving God to come through and surprise you with something more creative than you could ever think up? At the end of the day how much room are you leaving for a, “dang, only God could’ve thought that up”? How hard are you fighting against your singleness because it’s not what you really want, and it’s a little uncomfortable? How hard are you steamrolling over what God might want to be showing you in the moment? How could you be plowing right over the sweet gift that God might want to give you…but that might just mean waiting a little bit longer? How many of us are just SO determined to make what we want happen, that we’re not allowing God full control, we’re not fully surrendered to whatever He may have for us?

Maybe if you just let Him, God could totally and completely come through in a way that you never even knew you needed him to. Maybe He could do something bigger than you even knew you wanted. Maybe the Creator of romance can write a romance in your life more special than you ever imagined.


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