Dating is Such a Mess

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It seems like a lot of people in my life right now are in this weird state of confusion with the opposite sex. COOL. Not that I’m like an expert by any means on this, but I’d thought I’d share my thoughts…because why not? And boys are confusing…and so are girls. So maybe if everyone read this and we all just got on the same page that would be cool? Lmk.

When it comes to guys I’ve learned to live by the motto of – he’s not interested unless proven otherwise. I think girls could benefit from adopting this way of thinking. Girls – we over analyze everythinggggg, and it’s exhausting, and kind of a serious waste of time. Like, I don’t have the emotional energy to pour into some guy who probably doesn’t waste any of his time thinking about me, and neither do you, sorry brb chasing Jesus. I also don’t really have time for someone who is going to make me guess their intention and motivation all the time. That’s not my job, my job is to work with the information being given to me – verbally, not the information I “feel” like I’m getting. I think that this can be a problem in Christian circles, like girls will get small nuggets of hope from guys and call it a sign from God. Which, I’m not here to say God doesn’t move in mysterious ways, I’m not here to claim to know how God is or is not speaking to you. All I’m saying is that – you can get all the signs you want from God, but if the guy isn’t picking up the phone and asking you to coffee – just keep living your life, just keep chasing the Kingdom.

Now, guys, come on, let’s chat. Lets all agree that girls can get in this weird place of living in their head…don’t give her a reason to go there with you. It’s true, sometimes women are just crazy, and you can’t avoid being dragged down the rabbit hole of their minds. BUT, Men are not blameless in this craziness. It feels good to be wanted, and so I think men and women alike will settle for attention from someone who isn’t necessarily first draft pick. So we entertain these people – knowing that it can’t go anywhere – knowing that you just like the attention. Let’s all get so comfortable with our own selves and our relationship with Christ that we don’t need to seek validation from the opposite sex, yeah?

 

Here are a few 101 tips that I think everyone should follow, boys and girls alike:

  1. If you’re not interested – don’t act interested. If you are interested – act interested. Wow, monumental. Genius. 2017 changed forever. But seriously, the amount of years I’ve spent comforting my friends (and vice versa) from a disappointing “relationship” because they were SURE he liked her, but really – he just lead her on for months…with some serious evidence that it would lead to more (us women aren’t just living in lala land all the time). Just say what you mean, and mean what you say. Like, if you’re not interested – don’t text her. If you’re not interested – don’t spend time getting to know her. If you’re not interested – don’t ask her to be vulnerable with you. If you’re not interested – don’t give her a reason to think you’re interested in her. Also, having a “flirty” personality – not a good excuse – you’re grown – lock it down. I honestly have a hard time figuring out why people spend so much time on people they aren’t interested in – my only answer to that would be that it’s a good way for them to stroke their ego and make themselves feel wanted without any real commitment. Gosh, idk, I just don’t have the energy to entertain people that I feel indifferent about, right? Is that rude? Probably. On the flip side of that – if you’re interested in someone – act interested. Don’t make that person sit around and guess.

2. Make your intentions clear. Why is it so hard to have the conversation saying “hey, I’m not sure if I’m into you, but I at least want to get to know you a little better. Are you okay with that?” Or “hey, I’m not interested in you like that. So maybe we need to establish better boundaries” Or “hey, I like you, and I want to get to know you to see if we should date.” Idk, I feel like girls and guys everywhere would be given a lot of clarity if people were just up front from the beginning. People are so scared of hurting peoples feelings that they just let them live in limbo – and I know for girls, they would much rather the blatant rejection than months of false hopes. I just feel like we’re all more reasonable than we give each other credit for. Ya know?

Now, girls, just chill on this a little bit. We’re always chomping at the bit to let men know how we feel. I feel like we’re always ready to have these conversations, but really, until the men are willing to initiate them – go about your own business, and keep up with motto – he’s not interested until proven otherwise. I very rarely hear of stories of men having to initiate this conversation – because the girl usually has already blurted out “so, like, what are we doing here”.

3. If you’re not ready for a serious relationship – don’t pursue a relationship. Gosh. Again, some of this seems so straight forward, but you would be amazed at the amount of friends I have that have been lead on for months only for the guy to be “not ready for a serious relationship”. It’s pretty much my understanding that if you’re not ready for a serious relationship – why are you dating? Like what is the point? To pacify desires that you’re not ready to back up with commitment. To have your cake and eat it too. Can we all just agree to not date until we’re at the point where a serious relationship is always the goal? And until then – let’s just all agree to work on ourselves – work on becoming the best versions of ourselves.

4. Just assume that they’re not looking for a best friend. This one is tricky. Mainly because it’s not that I don’t think true friendship is possible between a male and a female, but I think it can get really sticky. Tricky sticky…ya heard? I’m loopy, it’s Monday, I need a nap. ANYWAY – I guess all I can say about this one is that most women over the age of like 23 aren’t really out looking for close male friends. Not saying that these relationships don’t happen – I think this happens organically, but it’s also usually made REAL clear from like the very beginning (or within a few times hanging out) that it’s a friendship, and nothing else. That’s where the clarity and intention come into play. I can’t speak for men, but I’ve just never heard one of my friends talking about how she met a new guy and can’t wait to be his best friend. Generally – people aren’t like out looking for a new bestie of the opposite sex. So just go into it assuming they’re not looking for a new bff, it’ll help you establish clearer boundaries right off the bat.

Alright, cool, we all good everyone? Christ first, everything else second, be clear, don’t be a turd. Happy Monday.

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