I Have No Business Being Here

I’ve been getting a lot of really positive feedback about this blog, and I gotta be honest – every time I hear it, I’m surprised. It kind of takes me aback a bit. Like I’m sort of surprised no one has called me out for the poser that I am. I’m sort of shocked that people actually like what I write. BTW – do people still say poser, or am I old now? lmk.

I guess you would think that if I’m doing something like this I would sort of anticipate positive feedback, right? I mean, I don’t think anyone ever does anything thinking it’ll probably suck. Honestly – wherever those people are – please be my friend, because I think you’re probably really cool. I started this blog by being woken up by God in the middle of the night and given a pretty straightforward word. Guys – God is talking, he’s actually quite the conversationalist.

So when I started writing I guess I didn’t “anticipate” anything. I stepped out in obedience – totally okay with whatever outcome, because my value and worth just isn’t tied up in what other people think of me. Joy outside of outcome is one of the most precious gifts that the cross can offer us. And getting to a place where I’m cool with whatever is total freedom. I don’t say that arrogantly – it has taken me a long time to get to this place, and God has moved so deeply in my heart.

I say all that though…and I still think that a part of me would totally hurt if I got an email telling me what trash this is. I’m human.

Anyway – positive feedback. It’s been weird. The first few times people have come up to me telling me they’re “blown away” by my writing I literally laughed in their face (kinda like how I just laughed out loud typing it) – because I am just not a writer. I’ve never considered myself a “good” writer…or really a writer at all. In fact I actually had a high school teacher tell me “I tried too hard to be creative” (in a creative writing class – can’t fail harder than that), and ultimately I was “inauthentic” (when writing about my dog dying…also – giant fail). Then I wrote something for an art class in college – and some dude who was seriously always dogging my stuff said I was “cliche” and “boring”…needless to say – the jury has spoken and I have no business being here, writing things, or having people like them.

Writing that reminded me of this message from Christine Caine. Take a watch kids.

http://elevationchurch.org/sermons/code-orange-revival-christine-caine/

Just wanted to get that off my chest before anyone else kids them self into thinking I have any sort of idea what I’m doing.

So – I thought I’d give you guys the 411 on Chicken Scratch Scripture – how it’s really actually about art (something I’m actually good at) – how God hijacks my brain when I write, and how I desperately desire, beg, and pray for – the complete and total God in Heaven take over 24/7. Now THAT could be a TV show – Next up on ABC Family – Total God in Heaven Take Over 24/7 – stay tuned. Okay…anyway…wow Meg.

The Name. The Mission.

Chicken Scratch Scripture was something God put in my heart about a year ago, actually it was Chicken Scratch Raps when it was first birthed. I was creating a BUNCH of art based on raps, and I was like – dang, I could sell these. So I started Chicken Scratch Raps, and made a ton of these rap/art things that I was eventually going to use to “set up shop”. I spent over 150 hours on this stuff, and I lost it all in my move back from Toronto. Like – I have no clue where any of it is. I’ve searched, I’ve cried, I’ve prayed…poof, it’s gone.

I honestly was pretty devastated by that – why wouldn’t I be, and truthfully I haven’t gotten back into my art like that since. BECAUSE I’M SALTY, OKAY?

But, God has been ON me to get back to my art. Like seriously hunting me down, but I really haven’t had any inspiration to create anything specific. So I tried messing around with some stuff – didn’t really like anything I was making…wasn’t feeling inspired. So I started thinking about what was inspiring me, and that was pretty simple – scripture, my relationship with God, and the love and life of Jesus. Okay cool.

I had been doing a lot of thinking and praying about what God wanted me to do with all this, and one night I woke up at like 2 in the morning and heard God say – Chicken Scratch Scripture. And I was like – ughhhhh…God, I’m a bit salty about that one, okay? I lost all that art – still not over it, and He said so clearly “move on, I will give you back that time”, and I said “FINE, but I’m not happy about it”…and tried to go back to bed. LOL…don’t ever try to go to sleep on God, because that night he kept me up all night coming up with the tag line “Crispy Christ for Hot Mess Humans”, making the site, and writing my first post – which I kind of thought would be like a one and done type of thing – I really just thought this would be a platform for me to post my art. 6 blog posts later – and I don’t think I’ll stop with the writing, but I am starting the art. So, start to expect more of that. And now ya’ll can hold me to it.

 

My whole mission with this blog is to write what God tells me to write. Because you guys, if I wrote what I wanted to write or what I thought I should write – “inauthentic”, “boring”, “cliche” would pretty much be the descriptors. Ya’ll don’t want to read what I write. I pray consistently for God to speak into my heart, and He’ll press into me exactly what He wants me to write – so when I sit down and actually write it – it just pours out. I don’t think too much about it. So that’s what I mean when God hijacks my brain – it honestly doesn’t really feel like my words most of the time? I guess for people who don’t believe in God that would seem really crazy, but it’s super cool that we have such an intimate God when you think about it.

I also like it this way because then I can’t take any of the credit. I can’t elevate myself because I know it’s not me…I am merely a vessel – a hot mess human, if you will (see what I did there). None of this is about me. Not one part of it.

 

Anyway – that’s how Chicken Scratch Scripture came about – and here’s my first piece of art for it. From Chance the Rapper’s new CD – I have mixed feelings about the CD in general, but there are a few gems in there, oh and remember when he literally got the entire Grammys to stand in worship? I mean…come on now…

 

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