I’m Sorry, but Christians Totally Suck.


Let me start out by saying thank you. Thank you for clicking and reading – seriously it’s hard work putting yourself out here like this, and I appreciate the support. I’m sweating so much right now. But despite fighting God on this one for a long time…He won, just like He always does. Isn’t He like so annoying? Chill…I’m kidding.

Also, if you don’t understand what crispy means I encourage you to check out the tab “Crispy and Other Words” – we’ll get ya up to speed.

Now to the point…

I often use the analogy that God is to humans what humans are to pets. Think about it. God sees the big picture, just as humans see the big picture for their pets. God sets boundaries and limitations on humans, as humans set boundaries and limitations on their pets – for their own good…not to control or make them miserable, but to give them the absolute best life possible. The most abundant and loving life. Right? Most of the time, like pets, humans don’t understand these boundaries. They want to push these boundaries, they want to test these limitations, and it usually ends up in painful, broken, situations.

Think brand new puppy – how many times do you have to redirect, correct, or punish? About a million times a minute- your puppy doesn’t get it. But why can’t I eat this chocolate cake? It tastes so good. Little do they know, chocolate is a death threat to their system and will at best leave a nasty mess for you to clean up. But why can’t I sleep with anyone whenever I please? It feels good. Don’t worry I’m not here to judge you for having sex (been there, done that). But see where I’m headed here? Limited perspective, one track minded unawareness.

Anyway, I digress. This relates to my point, I promise.

The amount of conversations I’ve had lately about disappointing encounters and relationships within the Christian church has got me concerned. Seriously, what I’ve noticed is that when people reject Jesus and God what they’re really rejecting is the Church. If you’re someone who has written off God…think about what you have actually written off. Have you had a real relationship with Christ that you just decided wasn’t for you? Or did you have a nasty encounter with a person or system you know that claims Christianity? How many times have you heard “Yeah, I went to Church for a while…and it wasn’t really my thing”, or “I tried the church thing, but I didn’t get it. I felt judged and it made me feel bad about myself and guilty about my decisions”.

Many people hate their experience with the Church…not with God. Because can I just say, everyone I know who has gotten to know God deeply and intimately will never walk away saying “it wasn’t their thing”. Perfect love isn’t your thing? Grace, forgiveness, redemption, acceptance, understanding, and wisdom just aren’t your thing? Intimacy like you’ve never known before just isn’t for you? I beg you to reconsider what you’re saying no to.

It’s probably not news to you that the people within the Christian Church have been hurting people for a very long time. I mean…they prosecuted Jesus…think about that one for a second. (Also, I’d like to point out that the life of Jesus isn’t up for debate…that is proven history – his connection to God is what people debate – but if you check out his life…it’s hard to believe he is just another human).

Anyway, I know it’s definitely not news to me. I’ve been burned by the Christian community many times – including a note from a girl who spent zero time getting to know me, but definitely wanted me to know that “God might love me more, and I might be a better person if I didn’t get drunk all the time”…thanks for that, 19 year old me totally took that to heart and I haven’t picked up a drink since…and now God loves me more. Eyeroll. Gag. Eyeroll. Gag. And the hurt train hasn’t stopped there. Judgment, condemnation, hypocrisy, and guilt trips galore – what a treat. I get it, Christians can totally suck, because guess what? Humans suck. We are sinners – plain and simple. F***boys aren’t like a new concept here – just a new term. Get it? We’ve always been this way. Take a look at our World right now…just a tiny (actually large) glimpse at how broken humanity is.

We are imperfect – that is the entire point of Jesus. Jesus came to literally wipe away our debt of sin, because He knew we would always be sinners. God knew that sin would be a human problem forever – think about it – Adam and Eve – set in an absolutely perfect World and perfect setting…they had one job to do…and they couldn’t do it. Even Adam and Eve sinned when their circumstances were perfect.

Look around you – are your circumstances perfect? Probably not. What are the chances that you won’t ever again sin? None. Should you drop your head in shame and give up? No. THIS is the entire reason Jesus came to earth…for that one (or five) sin(s) you just can’t. Stop. Giving. In. to. If you’re not a Christian you may not call it a “sin” – but I guarantee you it’s that one thing in your life that continuously leads you down a path of sadness, disappointment, destruction, or complete numbness (don’t forget apathy – because that’s a huge problem too. Giving zero f***s is neither cute nor a virtue). You have something in your mind right now…that’s it. See – we’re ALL sinners, we all fall short…even you – and I’m assuming you don’t always think you’re an a**hole – or maybe you do – and in that case I hope you read this article twice. (I’ve read it like 12 times…so you’re in good company).

Are we on the same page? Humans suck. Now I want to tell you about my best friend’s dog. Okay, stick with me. This will make sense in a minute. My best friend’s dog is a rescue and a hot freaking mess. He had an abusive puppy-hood and because of that he is riddled with dysfunction. My friend punishes, redirects, and corrects all the time. Doesn’t work, dog still hates most people. He’ll bark, bite, and intimidate. My friend loves the crap out of this dog…like, she loves this dog more than she loves me…and I’m okay with that (or I’m dealing with it with my therapist at least).

Either way, this dog…I’m not a fan of this dog. One day my best friend’s dog literally attacked me – like bit the crap out of my knee – and kept attacking. (Leave your opinions about this situation to yourself – it’s not the point of the story and quite honestly I don’t really care…and no one talks crap about my best friends dog…except me). ANYWAY, blood – streaming down my leg, and now I’m terrified of a dog I was literally cuddling the night before.

So, I’m sure you understand why I wouldn’t be a fan of this dog right? And I’m sure you would understand that because my friend’s dog was a grade-A d*** to me that I also stopped hanging out with my friend forever. Like we don’t talk, we don’t hang out, I don’t see her. When she texts I don’t text back, when she sends me a meme I don’t even laugh…after all, her dog attacked me! You’d understand that right?

Chances are, probably not. I’d look like a cruel best friend if I let her poor dysfunctional dog dictate my relationship with her. I’d be unforgiving and rude…it wouldn’t be fair. I bet you can see where I’m headed here now…Lets go back to our God/Human – Human/Pet analogy. People everywhere and everyday are letting the people of God – who are dysfunctional sinners, just like my friend’s dog, and just like you – dictate their relationship with God.

I get it, if Christians have God shouldn’t they be better than that? Absolutely, and many are. We are all a work in progress, and if any of us were without sin we would be Jesus…so there’s that. But should I judge how “good” my friend is on the behavior of her dog? No. I would never, and neither would you. You would look upon that dog with compassion and love – knowing that the past hurts that dog must’ve endured are too great for you to fully comprehend.

Our relationship with God should be the same – not based on our relationships with His people, but based on our authentic relationship with HIM, and if you haven’t experienced that authentic relationship yet…I believe you’re saying “no” to something you don’t yet understand. I urge you to explore that relationship. After all – all you have to lose is a relationship you didn’t even have in the first place, am I right?

As for current Christians – I would call you to vulnerability and humility. I would call you to love and compassion. I would encourage you toward understanding and action.

So I guess my very first blog post just compared humans to dogs, and I guess I’m okay with that – because everyone likes dogs, and if you don’t, you probably like cats, and they’re evil.

P.S. Cat people – please don’t message me making a case for your cat, the first step to recovery is acceptance.

2 thoughts on “I’m Sorry, but Christians Totally Suck.

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